Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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