i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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