frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
My vagina is very pro this idea
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
