my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
