my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
