U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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