I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
