Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
