I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
