I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
