Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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