the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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