I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize