At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
