Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
