I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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