is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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