fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
