I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
