It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
