I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize