The maid of honor just puked.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I've blown a few things in my day
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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