I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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