Your face is a jimmy john
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize