this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
