Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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