im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
