Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
