Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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