VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
