Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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