sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
