Fine. I'll sleep in my office
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
