If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
