Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
