wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
we're so committed to being not committed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
