Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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