OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
