The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
