i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
