you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
