this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
