Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
