What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
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