You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
