spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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