The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
