my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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