Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
