how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
