there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
