Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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