I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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