im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
