So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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