summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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