I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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