i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize