It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
just tell him i said nine months
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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