We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
