I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
