tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
