No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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