Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
