i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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