through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
