im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
