i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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