He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
