My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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