you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
