he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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