apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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