Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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