I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The air was thick with penises
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
