Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
NoShamevember. You game?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
