So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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