At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
