TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
