I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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