I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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