Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
