And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
