"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize