the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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