I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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