So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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