you guys were way drunker than both of me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
