too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
