I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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