If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
