ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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