Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
