sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
