I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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